happy tears

For those who may or may not know, this past weekend was something I have been looking forward to since last September. All 4 years of college at JMU, I was in a co-ed acapella group called Low Key. I was terrified to try out, but friends persuaded me that I had to at least go and make an attempt, that I'd regret it if I didn't put myself out there. Little did I know, being a part of that group turned into what I look back on at JMU as the singular thing that shaped my college experience and what I miss most about college.
This past weekend marked 10 years since the group was formed, so the current group decided for their final concert of the semester to be Low Key's 10-year Reunion Concert. This took lots of opinions and lots of planning but most importantly a lot of patience because having to wait all the way until the end of April for it to get here was no easy task!!

There were too many incredible memories to put into a post, but there was one moment for me that stands out the most. Strangely enough, it was at the very start of the whole weekend. We pulled into Harrisonburg as the sun was setting and it was simply beautiful. We went to two of the current members house and dropped off all of our stuff and got ready to head downtown. When we got into the car, one of the current guys in the group, Marc, threw in the brand new CD, Keychange, into the CD player. Trying to explain the emotions that rushed over me is difficult, but 5 seconds into the song, I absolutely lost it. I tried to ask them to turn it off but my voice choked and I couldn't get the words out. Tears started streaming down my face, I couldn't catch my breath, I was making a complete fool of myself in front of someone I hardly knew but I felt safe and unjudged. Marc didn't know whether to stop the car or keep driving, and Jordan and Lauren were both consoling me with, "what's wrong honey? what's going on?" All that I could get out was, "I'm so happy". They all laughed, but it was so true. In that moment it was pure, raw, and completely exposed happiness. I was proud of what the group had transitioned into, but thankful that so much of it was still the same. I got jealous of all that I wasn't a part of, but nostalgic of all that I was lucky enough to be there for. I felt so connected to Low Key, but I felt so distant from what was coming through those speakers. I got overwhelmed in thoughts of the past and got excited at all the new memories of the future. I thought about all my old low key friends, and was looking into the rear view mirror at a pair of eyes of a new one.

And the only way I could express it all was through tears. Tears of happiness, of sadness, of love... tears of oogamama.

...For me

I feel as though I need to apologize for not writing on here in a long time...but I'm not. Like this whole blog is titled, I'm in a constant state of improvement. I kind of got sucked into the mind-set of "no one is reading this blog so why waste my time." It was really selfish, but I just got into a pessimistic view of why should I waste my time. In reality, it doesn't matter if all that I'm doing is writing this for myself and no one reads it; the point is that it makes me express myself and get my emotions out there. This past weekend helped me put a lot of my life back in perspective, made me remember the truly important things; friends, family, smiling, and laughing. Laughing til you think your gut is going to burst. Smiling so much you break out in tears. Realizing that losing touch with friends is a horrible tragedy. Being reminded with the smallest of details that so many of my friends have become my family. I'm in a really happy place right now that I haven't been in for a really long time. I need to start assessing this and figure out how to turn my life into this happiness all the time.